I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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