Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
