So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
