I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
