Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
