Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
