i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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