I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
