Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
