Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
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I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
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Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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