I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
