we have pet lesbian snakes
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
