Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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