My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
