Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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