He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
try to milk me bitch
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
