i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
