I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
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Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
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I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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