it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
