I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
