guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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