i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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