my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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