I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
