Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I don't think brook has ever known best
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
