Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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