Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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