I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
