Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
