Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
