I accidentally had phone sex last night
Your tits are I can't wait for
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
