T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
