I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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