My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
