Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
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i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.