dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
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He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
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I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You've changed since you got that strap on