I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Found the puke drawer
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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