Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
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All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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