Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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