just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
