There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
