just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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