there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
