Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
