she looked like the before picture.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
