It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
