I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
