Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
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We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
me + whiskey = a bad person
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I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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