It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
