I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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