Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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