Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My nipple is on Facebook.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
