all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
