turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
