so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
