STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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