I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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