i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
