i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
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I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
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Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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