so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
