Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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