If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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