Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
