I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
