the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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