just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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