The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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