I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
