I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
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When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
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I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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