He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
