At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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