Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
