Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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